Anxiety has been part of my life for as long as I can remember. Panic attacks and overwhelm have walked alongside me for years. But they are not who I am. They are only a part of me.
In many ways, they shaped my path. They led me to train as a CBT therapist, to build my own business, and to support others in navigating their own mental health journeys. I know that the pathway into mental illness is as unique as our finger prints, there is a combination of nurture and nature that intersect.
I also know that for those who are neurodivergent anxiety is more present in their lives than their neurotypical counterparts. Their experiences are amplified by their struggles navigating a world that is not design for them, they are amplified by the lack of validation they have received through years and they are amplified by the intensity of their emotions.
Those of us who live and work at the intersection of neurodiversity and mental health see this every day. When you bring together ADHD, emotional dysregulation and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), the emotional experience is not just “bigger”, it is fundamentally different.
Feelings don’t arrive gently. They arrive all at once, intense, loud, and often overwhelming. Processing them is not linear, it is messy, layered and, at times, completely consuming. Holding multiple thoughts, expectations and emotions in mind can feel impossible. And when there is a perception of criticism, rejection or being misunderstood, it can feel physically painful.
Last night, I was reminded of this in the most human way possible.
It was late. I was exhausted. I had run out of spoons and I was already borrowing spoons from the following day.
My daughter came to me overwhelmed: revision, medical procedures, friendships, conversations that needed to happen… all sitting on her shoulders at once. Her words were simple: “It’s too much.”
And I did exactly the opposite of what I was trained not to do: I moved into problem-solving mode.
I tried to organise. To prioritise. To make it manageable.
But for a neurodivergent brain in that moment, problem-solving doesn’t feel helpful, it feels like pressure. It feels like being rushed past something that hasn’t even had space to land yet.
After tears and frustration, she said something that I think many neurodivergent children wish they could say:
“You always jump into problem solving. You don’t give me time or space to feel my feelings. I have a lot of big feelings in one body and it is very hard to make sense of them… I need you to sit quietly with me.”
And she was right.
Because when emotional dysregulation is high, and when RSD is activated, what is needed is not logic. It is not solutions. It is not “fixing.”
It is co-regulation. It is safety. It is space.
And that is incredibly hard to give when all you want is to make things better.
Supporting children whose internal experiences are intense, fast-moving and, at times, overwhelming to witness. For those parents navigating similar storms, here is what I have learnt and try to put into practice (not always successfully)
For an ADHD brain, the “feeling” always arrives before the “fact.” If we try to use logic, we are speaking a language they cannot process in that moment. Validation is the bridge.
When a child is dysregulated, they need to “borrow” your nervous system. If we meet their high energy with our own “fixing” energy, it creates friction.
For many neurodivergent children, making sense of “big feelings under one body” takes immense cognitive effort. Pushing for a plan or asking “Why are you upset?” adds a layer of “suffocation” because they literally don’t have the words yet.
Anxiety and emotional dysregulation are often heightened by sensory overwhelm. In the middle of an attack, the world is too bright, too loud, and too demanding.
To every parent reading this who feels like they are failing because they ran out of spoons, or because they jumped into “fix-it” mode at 11pm: I see you.
You are doing a job that is exhausting, complex, and often invisible.
There is calm after the storm – this is my mantra when things become tough.
A Note for Organisations At The Missing Link, we understand that life does not stop at the office door. We only have one brain, and it is impossible to leave the weight of a child’s mental health struggle or the complexities of neurodivergent parenting in the car park.
When your employees are “running out of spoons” at home, it impacts how they show up at work. Supporting your team means supporting the whole person (including their role as a parent navigating these challenges) We help organisations create environments where neurodiversity and mental health are understood, ensuring your people feel supported both inside and outside the workplace. Because when we support the parent, we sustain the professional.
References & Research
Dodson, W. (2023). Understanding Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.
Barkley, R.A. (2015). Emotional Dysregulation and ADHD.
Rogers, C. (1951). Client-Centered Therapy: Its Current Practice, Implications and Theory.
NHS Digital – Mental Health of Children and Young People in England, 2023
CDC – Data and Statistics on ADHD
